


I try, but I'm just not hungry

by Kosei (orphan_account)



Category: Splatoon
Genre: Bulimia, Crushes, Culture Shock, Diary/Journal, Eating, Eating Disorders, Family, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Model, Modeling, Secrets, Sisters, Swearing, Tags Are Hard, disorder, toni kensa - Freeform, too fucking much swearing, what
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-01-23 13:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18550339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Kosei
Summary: Vector is a model for Toni Kensa, has a crush on one of his coworkers, has a sister named Kimiko, and writes in his "journal" (not a diary)But things aren't what they seem, secrets lay beneath the surface...(Yeah, I don't think I'll finish this.)





	1. Not a diary

4/20

My name is Vector. I don’t have a last name, but it’s weird for inklings not to have one so, for the sake of it I just say it’s Zeroni.   
I’m not an inkling, I’m an Octoling, by the way. Inklings are so fucking stupid sometimes I swear, they don’t even notice that I’m different from them. They just think it’s a cool hairstyle.   
Ugh.   
I don’t know why I’m calling you a “you” when you’re just a notebook with paper in it. I can’t remember why I’m even writing in here, it’s a spur of the moment thing I’m probably going to regret later.   
Well, whatever. I’ve always liked living on the wild side. (lie)  
Today is 4/20 which is wack. I know a few guys who are going to be celebrating that. Today I also have a photo shoot. I work as a model for Kensa Toni, pays good, pays the rent for the sweet condo, and groceries, and most important, cigarettes.   
Yeah, I smoke. Yeah, I know it’s bad for you and I’ll get lung cancer or something, but I only really smoke with other people, I don’t get all twitchy when I don’t have a cig for a few hours, so it isn’t really an addiction. With my coworkers, at after-parties, I’ll smoke a few, why not?  
I don’t have to justify myself to youse anyways, screw off.   
Anyway, I’ll tell you a few things about myself:  
-I’m 17  
-my favorite weapon is Toni kensa gal (not because I work for Toni kensa it's a coincidence)   
-I have a crush on one of my coworkers, predictable, right? I’ll tell you about him later.   
-I like to walk around barefoot. Just my style, man.   
-I have a sister. Names Kimiko, she works at Starfish tea & coffee as a barista.   
To be honest I’m not that interesting overall. I used to be a spy for Octavio, I don't think I was very helpful considering he’s in a snow globe right now but I tried sooooo…  
I’m not exactly what you’d call “loyal” anyway. I just followed orders. 

4/21  
The photo shoot went well. My agents have been trying to get me an acting gig in a commercial. Sez I’ve been getting popular enough for it. usually, I couldn’t give less of a carp, but I hear acting gigs pay well and I’m all about that cash.   
The after party is the best part of any gig, and the more it pays the better the party. I’m a bit of a party person, I like to flirt, I like music, and I like the buzz of alcohol. Sue me. Although, I can’t exactly bring any chicks home. I’m an Octoling, and guess what? Octolings don’t have reproductive organs and that in layman's terms I don't have a dick. I’m jealous. All my coworkers are egotistical Fuck boys who constantly brag about how much puss puss they got. I don’t really want to “plow a girl all night” but if they keep bragging about it, it’s got to be good shit right?   
all of my coworkers seem to think so, except one.  
That brings us to my crush- Coolio. Sweet, sweet coolio…  
Just thinking about him gives a...  
He’s hot. In that innocent cute way. He tends to show off the geek style. You know, the glasses, the ink-wash shirts whatever. I show off the jackets, anything black. I love black.   
He pulls off the innocent look well, but he’s anything but. Pranking is his favorite hobby, he’s always pulling something on me specifically. Dunno why. Usually, I have people like that but…  
He’s hard to hate. I’m not sure why but he is. I can’t hate him, his smile-  
Alright, enough of that. I’m not some fuckin’ romantic.   
The best part is that he doesn’t exactly join on on the fuckboys conversation. They asked him about it once, and he said he preferred boys. A couple guys gave him disgusted looks which I think is weird. It is pretty common for guys and guys to be with each other in Octo valley. Maybe it’s just a squid thing?   
Whatever, I like guys too. I told him that, “oh cool you’re gay?”  
And I was like, “wtf does gay mean. “  
And then he said, “when you prefer guys over girls. “  
“Then I’m super-gay. “  
He laughed, I like his laugh. 

4/23

I’m sad it’s not 4/20, I say when it’s been 3 days since 4/20 has ended. Sad.   
I haven’t ate in a while, so I got some eggs and bacon. I guess it was expired or whatever because I threw it up after.   
Ew.   
I feel fine, maybe it’s just morning sickness. Maybe I’m pregnant.   
Maybe.   
Whatever, I tend not to eat things for a few days. Octolings aren’t supposed to go 5 days without eating but I usually don’t feel hungry. I’ll drink water n soda n shit, I’ll eat a few snacks, dinner here and there may be but I’m not like, hungry. I usually don’t tell people that. They’ll think I’m anorexic.   
I’m not.   
I’m not.   
Stupid stereotypes…  
Coolio shoved a pie in my face today. I guess it was a prank but not really. I would have cussed him out, but he’s my fucking crush so I have to let it slide.   
Love kills.   
He asked if we hang out. Of course, I said hell yeah. Well, I didn’t want to sound desperate so I said yeah.   
“Sweet, I wanna see the last turf war, and all my friends bailed out. Meet me at the theater at 7?”  
Score! I’m too fucking shy to ask him anywhere, we’ve only been work buddies until now. Hopefully, after this we can be.. buds. Then maybe best buds. THEN dating.   
I can’t tell him right now,...  
Wish me luck not-diary. 

….

He leaned against the building, an octoling standing outside of a movie theater. He wore a white tank top and shorts, a dark Toni kensa bomber jacket hanging off his shoulders. Dark shades covering eyes completely, his dark complexion reflecting the light of the lit-up signs around them.  
His bare feet taps in anticipation and he checks his shellphone. 7:20. Sighing he puts it away. Footsteps, rampant ones make him look up. The inkling had one tentacle hanging loose in front and the rest were tied back in a ponytail. He was wearing a baby-jelly shirt, collared shirt with long sleeves white in color that closes up had a pattern of tiny jellyfish, far away they looked like black dots. His pants were cargo shorts and his pair of shoes punk-whites. His skin was light, with a slightly pinkish tone to it, which were complemented by his baby-blue eyes.  
Vector lightly blushed. The way he dressed wasn’t any different from usual, but his light tousled tentacles and slightly embarrassed smile made his feelings intensify all the more.  
“S-sorry about being late!” he rubbed the back of his head, “Lost track of time. I hope you weren’t waiting long.”  
“It’s fine,” vector replied, feeling like he was in a scene in an anime.  
Coolio stretched out his hand, Vector was about to take it, then suddenly recoiled back.  
“You’re not going to get me with that one again.”  
He winked and raised his hand, releveling the hand buzzer he had tucked away, “Finally learned your lesson after about 15 times?”  
“Shut up.”  
“Hahahaha,” he snickered, “You're just too easy. Alright, let’s see this movie already yeah?”  
“Please.”

Vector dug through his pockets, looking for his wallet, Coolio, with a smirk stopped him. He just looked at him, confused.  
“I’ll pay for you.”  
He blinked, surprised, “U-uh I-”  
“Nope! I invited you I’m paying for you!”  
“...Fine then.”  
Coolio, with a hum and spring in his step, paid for their tickets, and once inside, also paid for snacks. Vector fought him on this one, trying to insist, but Coolio wasn’t having any of it. Eventually, he just gave up and sighed.  
Coolio got a large popcorn and soda. The amount of food was enough to make Vector’s stomach churn, he just got a bottle of water. 

The movie was alright he guessed. He spent most of it watching Coolio who was so fixated on the movie didn’t even notice. Vector snuck a few bites in, one time their hands had met and electric sparks shot through his entire body, and his face was like a burning fireplace. Coolio just snickered when it happened.

“That movie was fuckin’ epic! When Captain cuttlefish socked Octavio in the face- oh my cod!”  
“Huh?” The movie was supposed to be about them?! He couldn’t even tell, it looked nothing like them! Especially Octavio, he did not have an evil villain handlebar mustache- although he did see him out of octo form only once….  
“Yeah… epic.”  
“You didn’t like it, did you?” Coolio’s expression suddenly went serious.   
“It’s not that it was bad, I just kept spacing out…” Vector tried to be as gentle as possible about it, but he still looked disappointed, looking down at the floor.  
“Man, I was hoping you’d like it.”  
“Why?”  
“Cause I wanna be your friend.” He expressed this with the brazenness of an elementary-school student, something Vector wouldn’t have expected in a million years.  
“...I want to be your friend too.”  
His face brightened up, “Really?!”  
“Yeah.”  
“Sweet! How about we hang out again tomorrow?!”  
“Well... I guess. I don’t have any plans. Where at?”  
“How about… uh… My place?”

He accepted.

...

4/24

Dear dumb diary, 

Holy fucking shit holy mother fucking cock sucker.  
I got fyucking INVITED to fyucking COOLIO MY CRUSH’S PLACE his fyucking HOUSE I feel like a giddy school-girl going on a fucking date for the first time. I am freaking the FUCK out my dude oh my cod. What do the hell do i WEAR.  
Oh my god, forfeit fucking what im fucking wearing i'm GOING TO MY CRUSH’S HOUSE WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
I’m caa a alm now. He said he wants to be friends. There’s no reason to fucking panic. Quit overthinking shit, quit freaking out over stupid shit.   
Juu u uu st go to his house and act the way you always do. For all you know you’ll just go there to get a couple of chalkboards erasers dumped on your head and the dust will get on your clothes then that’ll be it.  
….It would be nice if there was something else too.


	2. Going out I guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not out-of-the-loop."

4/25

Today is the day I go to my a FUCKING CRUSHES FUCKING HOUSE and I am still screaming on the inside.

I’m nervous, he texted me his address and to come over at 1 and I texted back, I said, I said I would be there.

Hoping I don’t fuck up.

…

Coolio's place was a large apartment complex. The building wasn’t anything special, just a tan building 3 floors high. He swallowed, checked the address for the room number, and entered the building, knocking on door a25.

The door flew open, Coolio grinned once he saw Vector, wearing just a t-shirt with basketball shorts. specifically a hightide era band tee.

“Hey!”

“Hey.”

“Come on in!”

Vector did and looked around his apartment. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but it's about what he expected. The apartment consisted of a living area, which was occupied by a tv, a black cushioned love seat, a small white circle-shaped table covered in crumbs and a back of chips, a fluffy white rug (also covered in crumbs) and a video game console that looked recently used. The kitchen had a stove and sink and a small black fridge. He couldn’t see the other rooms, but he would judge that there would only be a bathroom and bedroom beyond the hall.

“It’s small. I bet your place is nicer.”

Vector shrugged.

“I need to come over sometime, we could have a sleepover or something.”

“...riiiight… Well, what did you-”

"You know… it just occurred to me… you’re like, the only gay guy I know. At least, the one I know is gay. “ He plopped himself on the love seat, Vector stood where he was.

“Is gay really that uncommon?” Vector asked, mystified.

“I mean, yeah. For some reason, people get all wigged out when 2 guys date, especially when they’re squids for some reason. There’s more to life than having kids.” He sighed.

“That’s…” his nose wrinkled and his eyebrows furrowed. He said the first word he thought of, “Odious. People can date who they want. “

“Right? I wish that they wouldn’t make it such a big deal. “

Vector nodded.

“It’s weird you didn’t know that. It’s like you’re a virgin sometimes with how… innocent you are."

“The shell do you mean by that?!” 

“I mean, you didn’t know there were people out there who are against guys and guys, in fact, there are people still against marriage… It’s just everybody knows that and you didn’t…? and besides that, it’s like, out of nowhere we’ll be in a conversation, talking about, I dunno, potatoes or something, and then you would ask what it is. Like you’re an alien or something. “

“...I know what a potato is. “

“I know that you know what that is. Just an example. “ he smirked.

“....I admit I don’t know what a virgin is though…”

He snorted, “seriously?”

“S-shut up!”

“It’s when you haven’t had sex. “ Coolio rolled his eyes, Vector huffed.

“I thought it meant lame”

“Hm, I guess you caaan use it like that. But it isn’t what it means. By the way, are you a virgin?”

Vector looked away from him. “...yes. “

Coolios eyes widened. “Huh. Never pinned you down as one. You flirt a ton with girls, are you bi or something?”

“Bi?”

“Bisexual?”

He still looked confused. Smiling, Coolio said, “that’s what I mean. You’re so weirdly out of the loop about stuff. “

“...” he stayed silent

“It means, you like boys and girls. “

Vector knitted his eyebrows together and looked thoughtful. “...not really. “

“But you flirt with girls”

“I just like doing it. “

“Isn’t that leading them on?”

“...I’ve never taken any of them home. “

“But why?”

“....reasons. “

“And that’s what I like about you Vector. “ he winked

“S-shut up.”

“Oh!” He sprung to his feet, “I got cookies in the kitchen, you know Bella? She gave me a shit ton and I don’t know what to do with them. You want one?”

"...sure. “

Coolio held out one for him, he took it, bit into it, and spat it out, disgusting. Coolio roared with laughter as Vector hacked and heaved the spat out the disgusting salty taste.

“H-how the- how the hell did you fall for that?!”

“I’ll make a note to never accept food from you again.”

“You s-should have already known that!”

“Shut up!”

Fake wiping a tear away, his laughter died down and he sheepishly smiled. “Alright, enough of that. I’ll take you out for dinner to make up for it.”

“...I’m not really hungry.”

“Aw, come ooon. You’re too skinny, I swear.”

“....I need to be.”

“Well, yeah that’s our job but, come on! One dinner isn’t going to kill you!”

“...Alright.”

On the way out, he opened the door and a couple chalkboard erasers fell on his head and got all over his kung-fu zip-up; Coolio broke into more hysterical laughter.

4/26

Well, it’s been confirmed that I shouldn’t have worried so much. We had a nice conversation at his apartment, which was alright looking. He called me “innocent” and “out of the loop”

bout stuff. Hardly true, if anything that’s my sister. She’s the type to ask what a potato is. We went to the beach a couple weeks back and there were some kids, young ones, they were in that weird middle state when you’re squid-ish but you can walk around and stuff. Anyways, they were shooting ink at squiddymelon blindfolded and trying to guess what color it would be when it was cut open. Apparently, it’s a popular activity for squids. You know, I just realized a lot of squids like to eat fruit. Especially sour ones, or whatever reason. She stares and goes:

“What are those?”

And she wasn’t talking about the squiddymelon. She’s the one out of the loop. Not me.

I got pranked a couple times but salty cookies and some chalk on my clothes aren’t a big deal, makes him happy and he never takes it too far.

He invited me to dinner, I didn’t really feel hungry but he pressured me into it. Like, who the shell says no to their crush? We went to an Italian place for pasta, s’okay.

Coolio asked how I stay so skinny. It’s a secret, I can’t even write it here. He complained about going on diets and the gym and carp to keep his weight down but tbh I can’t relate. I don’t really go on diets, I just don’t feel hungry.

I ate half of the plate of pasta and-

The rest of the page was torn out, the rest of the sentence unreadable. He threw it into a trashcan, crumpled, words scribbled over and erased.

-sister called, she wants to meet up at her workplace tomorrow. I don’t have anything to do so I might as well go.

All this talk about fruit makes me want some squid-leg grape. I remember the first time Kimiko ate one, her face was hilarious. They’re good, but they’re more chewy like, like a gummy than a grape.

Damn, I want-

The rest of the page is also ripped up, and this time, burnt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever read the art of splatoon? in the Kelp dome section, theres a page dedicated to the "inklings passion for fruit" and go on to describe a few fruit and veggies. Including: Squid fin lemon, Squid orange, and a few others with the word squid in it.  
> You think the other species of their world ever get tired hearing about squids all the time?  
> Oh- by the way, thank you for reading. Some of you may recognize Vector & Kimiko from my previous work "impurity." The two have nothing to do with each other, this could be considered a spin-off but it's at least looking at if you want to comapre characterization or whatever.  
> Hopes that this'll be a good one. Writing di- I mean "journal" entries are fun.


	3. Sisters annoying questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate being bugged about what I eat.

4/27 

Coolio called.   
“Hey, you doing anything today?”   
I was like, yeah gotta go meet up with sis.   
He was like, I didn’t know you had a sister.   
I was like, “Ye. “  
He sounded disappointed but asked to hangout l8r.   
I said, sure.   
Kinda weird he wants to hang out so much but I’m sure not going to fucking complain. I mean, why would I?  
He also asked if I was okay. He said I was kinda distant after we ate. I told him I was fine and hung up. (I said bye first)  
Idk what he means by that. I’m fine. Been fine, in fact.   
My agent also called today, before I woke up (I hate it when they do that), saying Toni Kensa wants me to show off their new fashions for the “Inkopolis Collection Fashion Show” It’s the biggest fashion event this side of the country and happens twice a year. Big companies have a race to who can get in and make the biggest impression on the innocent youth’s wallets first. Toni Kensa has a big hold on edgy kids who love black and white and maybe some red (like me) so they’re definitely going to make money with their new collection.  
Coolio didn’t mention it, I wonder if he’s in or not. I’ll call him after I visit sis at her job.

…

The logo of a starfish is posted on the signs and windows outside, letting anyone shopping at the reef where they are. The scent of hipsters and writers and starving artists abusing free internet wafts through the air, along with stale coffee and luke-warm tea.  
A Octoling girl wearing the uniform of a small hat, white polo shirt with a nametag that read KIMIKO in bold letters, and a green apron; stood behind the counter taking orders. She excitedly waved at Vector yelled something to a coworker, presumably taking a break as she rushed over to his table, untying her apron.

“Hey, Vector!” She smiled at him sweetly, orange eyes fluttering, and tanned skin glowing in the sun. She could be a model.  
“Yo.”  
“I've missed talking to you. We need to talk more often!”  
“I did offer to pay for your shellphone. “  
“I want to earn it on my own. “ she said indignantly.   
“Considering you make minimum wage, it’s going to take awhile. “  
“Minimum wage and tips…So how’s life going?” She perked back up. “How’s the job? How’s your crush? Have you bee-“  
“M-my What?!” He blushed   
“Your Crush! I know you have one. Spill! Is it a girl? Is it a boy?! do you-“  
“Shut up! Shut up!” He hissed, looking around, making sure no eyes were on him. Thankfully, it didn’t seem anyone was paying attention, or at least the clickity clickers on their laptops were good at knowing when to look away.  
“Would it kill you to be a little quieter?!”  
“W-was I loud ?”  
“Yes! You were!” He whispered yelled.   
“S-Sorry! jeez!”  
“...It’s fine. I’m sorry for griping at you.” He said softly.  
“...Are you going to tell me who your crush is?”  
He sighed, “Alright fine. His name is Cool-”  
“Ooh! A he!” she clapped her hands together excitedly.  
“S-shush! H-he’s one of my coworkers and likes to throw pies in people faces and prank them with nasty food.”  
“Why?”  
“To watch their reactions I guess. He finds it funny-”  
“Do you like his laugh?”  
“...” he blushes>  
“You do! You do!” She Squeals  
“Shut up! T-this conversation is weird!”  
“Oh, that reminds me. Have you been eating?”  
There’s an immediate change in Vector. His shoulders tense up, and his arms cross. “Yes, I’m eating, alright? Sheesh.” He rolled his eyes behind his dark shades.  
“I-I’m just worried. I-I’ve heard about people getting r-really skinny and not eating and i-its called-”  
“I’m not anorexic. I don’t know where you heard that but I’m not.”  
“I-I-” she stuttered, fiddling with her hands, “I-I didn’t say that you were I’m just… worried.”  
“You don’t need to be. I’m fine.”  
“...Well… Alright.” her tangerine eyes looked to the side, and an uncomfortable silence passed between them  
“Hey, Kimiko! Breaks over, come on!” A inkling behind the counter yelled out.  
“J-just a sec!” Kimiko lept up to her feet and tied the apron around her. “See you later Vector!”  
“See ya, sis.”  
“You don’t hate me right…?” she asked worridly  
“...of course not.”  
….

 

Still 4/27  
The conversation went basically how I went. Although her questions about my crush threw me off guard. Even though I really shouldn’t have.  
Kimiko’s always been weird about that stuff. She has some sort of 6th sense in that she will be walking past people and she will mutter about how they need to confess already, and skip past other people, happier than a clam; then go sullen and depressed the next. She seems to be well-attuned to peoples emotions- when it has to do with relationships and dating. Otherwise, she has no clue. And she always ALWAYS knows when somebody has a crush. I do not understand it. I don’t think I ever will.  
It’s not that crushes would wreck my career, in fact, I’m sure the big-bad-boss would love the publicity. But I’m just that guy in the Toni Kensa ads who walks around with bare feet. I don't really want any extra attention. I'm fine with the stares and occasional pictures in the square.  
She was also on my ass about eating. It’s like if I’m even a little bit skinny she freaks the fuck out. It’s like she fucking forgot models are SUPPOSED to be skinny. I mean, plus-sized models exist but I’m not fucking plus-sized. Cod.  
Can I not be skinny or something? Swear to fuck.  
And I’m not anorexic I’m-  
The rest of the sentence was scribbled over in pen.  
-You know, lot’s of octolings out there love love love love the squid sisters, there's a lot of them who came over from the underground once Octavio was locked up again for the second time. Hear he’s in a snowglobe, that sounds hilarious.  
Anyway, I don’t know what it is but I don’t really feel anything when I listen to their songs. Kimiko goes nuts over calamari inknation like everyone, but I listen to it and I’m like:  
“Eh.”  
Fucking weird right? Am I weird? I’m probably weird.  
I called Coolio once I got home. 

“Yo.”  
“Hey man! What are you calling about?”  
I said I just wanted to talk and asked him about the fuckin’ fashion thing.  
He said he wasn’t invited, and congrats.  
I said thanks.  
He asked if we could hang at my house, and have a “sleepover.”  
I realize now I don’t know what that fucking is even though he said that before... but I said sure.

Looked it up on Sea fox and it said “a night spent by children or young people at a friend's house.” So I don’t really know what to expect still.   
But spending the night….  
All night…  
I want to scream.  
Too late now I guess. I didn't fuck it up last time, hope to Cod I don't fuck it up this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writers all around betta than me. Can I come close?


	4. Bad bad bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vector has a fit

4/28

I don’t know when he’s supposed to come over. I’ll call him later to see.  
You know, it’s weird. I started writing in this because just cause. Now I’ve written like 11 pages. Wack.  
That is quite the booyah my dude. (I cringed so hard just writing that)  
I think my favorite word in Inklish is fuck. There’s not really an equivalent for it in Octarian (or Octese as some call it.) Maybe ちくしょう would do the trick but it’s more like “Aw shit.” You can use fuck as an action, and you can call someone a fucker, and you can exclaim the word fuck. It’s a beautiful word, really. You can’t do the same with ちくしょう。  
What am I on again? Oh yeah, Coolio.  
I’m going to need a miracle to get through the night.  
Aw shit, there’s already a knock shut shit is that him?!  
ちくしょう！

4/29  
I’m not sure how to feel about what happened yesterday.  
It’s evening. It’s raining outside. I like the smell of rain. It’s so fucking fresh. We never got rain in the underground. But comparing the underground to the surface is like comparing squid-fin lemons to a Sii U controller.  
I’m getting off topic. All the time he was there he was… acting weird. Like, he comes over. He’s wearing something that makes him look hot (it was just a t-shirt and cargo-shorts shhhh) and he sets his bag of shit down. He’s being all cute, and he looks excited. I had a dumb-bitch moment and ate a cracker he filled the inside with toothpaste (gross). Apparently, I didn’t learn from the cookie incident. It was kinda worth it to hear his laugh again, tho.  
He said my place is nice. I said thanks and went to the bathroom. I don’t know why but he was in my room once I came back and he started acting weird.  
He was like… He fucking hugged me, like, five times. The first time he did that I was so shocked I swear my face was like a tomato. He must’ve known, no way I could’ ve- I couldn’t have hidden all that blush, no way. I asked him why tf he was doing that and he was like,  
“Cause I feel like it.”  
I couldn’t really do anything about it. It felt… kinda weird being hugged by anyone other than my sister but it felt... Really nice. Like really nice. Like, I probably could have stayed like that forever, maybe. No wonder couples like to cuddle so much. I could stay there feeling how warm and smelling his musky cologne-

UGH WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING?! Cod I hate you COoLiO fuck I'm writing this like some goDaMn A N I M E S C H O O L G I R L fuck! ちくしょう！CHI-KU-SHOU!

But that wasn’t the only thing that he did was weird. He kept getting his face very very very close to mine. Like, If I leaned forward, we would kiss. I should have.  
He did that like 5 times. He snatched my shades off my head and stared right into my eyes. He said my eyes were pretty, which really shouldn’t make me feel as happy as it did-

Oh, my cod. I drank to much fucking dumb-bitch juice. He fucking read this and that's why he was acting weird. You were even in the wrong place when I came to find you, you slut.  
You just fucking let anyone read you goddamn.  
No time for fucking joking around. This is actually really really really really fucking bad. If he read the octoling part- not only would it be weird for him to know I don’t have a dick, inklings aren’t supposed to know we’re on the surface! I mean, I’m sure they know SOMETHING is up- (they can’t be that stupid) but they sure as hell can’t know that we are here! I mean, fuck inklings are retarded sure, but they aren’t retarded enough to be like: “Oh hey our arch-nemesis we thought was extinct all this time is back for totally not revenge? Sure you can stay! Nothing could be bad about this at all!”  
But then again I see them throw out change all the time. Apparently, it’s just an inkling thing, but it’s so fucking wasteful. Why do you hate change that goddamn much?! I don’t get it! And if you just SAVED that change like everybody fucking else you would have a shit load more money!  
Ugh, I don’t know why but that always really upsets me when I see it.  
It also goes to show you how fucking stupid they are.  
Then again, we can’t be much better. We got our asses kicked by one- ONE inkling.  
I wasn’t there to see it but the first time it happened but I came back to chaos. I asked what happened and all they said was:  
“Agent 3.”  
I’ve only heard about the agents of the squid beak splatoon. Rumor has it that the squid sisters are apart of it. Wouldn’t surprise me personally but I’m not part of that life anymore so *shrug*  
I have no intention of being a part of that life if Octavio ever comes back.  
It’s complicated. To say the least.  
I wonder what the underground is like now since everyone is gone. I guess the only ones left would be the octo troopers or whatever. They don’t really have a brain outside of whatever Octavio tells them so that wouldn’t surprise me. Sometimes I wonder if life would be easier if I was that simple.  
Well, whatever.

Shit, what was I talking about again? I swear I have the memory of a goldfish.  
Oh yeah, he totally knows now. The fuck do I do now?

4/30

Dear dumb-ass bitch, 

My agent called. Said I got an acting gig. Said I don’t get got any lines I just sit there looking pretty.  
Oh yeah. I suppose I should write what my agent is like down. You do that in a journal, right? Well, he’s kinda a dick. I think he’s jealous because he’s said before how he couldn’t lose enough weight to get a modeling job, and that's why he’s now 46 and running around for “dumb-ass teens.” He’s a crab. A RED KING CRAB as he boasts about a lot. Not a “gay-ass fiddler crab.” You can see why he’s kinda a dick. Okay erase kinda he’s totally a dick. I ignored his rant and I said okay, he said okay, I hung up.

I haven’t forgotten about Coolio. I still have no clue what to say. You know what? I haven’t been out to turf in a while. I’m going to go out there, fuck up some randoms I’m with, and quit thinking about him ffs. Smh UGH  
I haven’t stopped thinking about him since I woke up.

…

Vector left the house with an Annaki glasses and a grungy dirty navy blue beret it came with. He also wore a long black sweater that is horribly inappropriate for spring weather, and boots that came over the ankle with a spider web pattern etched in.

With his Toni kensa .52 gal by his side and the steady rhythm of footsteps hitting the sidewalk, he speeds through the streets to the plaza on the lovely spring day. The brushed away the pink flower petals that flew into his face, the trees raining them down from above like snow. Young children laugh as they collect the petals into their tiny fists and young adults with weapons in hands take numerous pictures. Most likely going to post onto inkstagram.  
He brushed them aside and headed straight into the lobby. He was just about to press the option for “turf” when he heard-  
“Hey, Vector!”  
“Coolio?!” He froze.

He grinned. “In the flesh. “ he wore a red-and-purple punk aloha shirt with half-rimmed glasses and beige low-tops.  
Vector asked why he was here. But the question already felt redundant by the time it had escaped his lips.  
“Gonna do turf with some randos. Hey! You wanna turf with me?”  
“....what weapon do you use?”  
“Ballpoint splatting. Not my best weapon but I’m trying to get better at it. “  
He picked up the heavy weapon and set it up, leaning his elbow onto it. “I’m sure I can still be fresh with it.”  
“...Well fine. It’s not like I have a team waiting for me.”  
He chuckled, “Yeah. We’re too busy for that kind of life. Besides, my friends kinda suck. They’re always too busy getting high of seaweed.”  
“Ugh. Seaweed. That shits nasty.” Vector shook his head.  
“Right?!” He laughed, “It smells so bad! And tastes terrible!”  
“I don’t even like the non-smoking kind. I’d rather eat wasabi as a side dish.”  
“Wasabi is too spicy though!” Coolio exclaimed; Vector shrugged in response.  
“I like it.”  
“Oh fuck, the randoms are here! Time to head out to turf!” Vector didn’t notice the other squids in the lobby until then, which mildly surprised him. He slightly nodded and clenched his weapon tightly.

“You’re kind of weak Vector.” Coolio casually commented. They were both munching on bento boxes from the convenience store nearby. After turning around for about 2 hours, Vector found himself stuffing his face with the small box of sausages cut into Octopi.  
“What do you mean weak?” hacked, taking a moment to breathe.  
“You run kinda slow, and you get out of breath kinda easily. You need to work out more.”  
He shrugged and went back to his food.  
“I’ve never seen you eat like that before.”  
“Ish dat bad?” he asked, mouth full of food and not bothering to look up.  
“Nah. Just weird. Hey, look up for me?”  
“Hm?” Coolio quickly swooped in, and kissed him.  
Right onto the lips.

…

 

OH MY FUCKING COD  
OH MY COS  
DD  
D  
DDDD  
WHAT WJAT WHAT  
WHAT THE FUCK  
HE FUCKING KISSED ME  
COOLIO HE FUCKING KISSED ME  
HOLY SHIT NIUNEUOHUIFF OH FUCCCKCKCKCC

I still can’t believe it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay I’m calm (ish)

He kissed me.  
Right on the lips.

He was my very very first kiss. And he did it.  
He kissed me.  
HE kissed ME.

Oh, my cod. Omc. OMC.

Just thinking about it makes my heart go fucking ape-shit.  
Cod damn…

I asked him why he did it.  
He said:  
“It’s obvious, I like you.”  
I asked if he read my journal.  
“Yeah…” He blushed. “Sorry. I only read the part where you were gushing about me. I didn’t read anything else. It was so cute!”  
I told him to shut up. He hugged me.  
I hugged him back.

 

Note: hide this damned thing somewhere he can’t find it next time he comes over.


	5. Duhing at Octarian (the language)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vector hates writing Octarian out by hand.

5/1

Coolio and I are a couple.  
At least, I think so. I’d like to think we are. I have to ask him first. Do people have to ask if they are a couple?  
Maybe.

Yesterday, after he k-i-s-s-e-d me he had to go. His agent had called. Apparently, he had a photo shoot but forgotten. He didn’t want to go. He told me that. He held me in his arms and gave me one last kiss on the cheek before leaving. It felt as if he was a sailor and I was his wife, watching him leave before going on a dangerous expedition around the world. And this would be the last time I’d see him/

I want to call him. I want to hear his voice right now. But I’m not sure what to say to him…  
Oh, my phone is ringing. 

It wasn’t him. It was Kimiko. Usually, her numbers are listed as unknown since she calls with whatever phones she can grab nearby.  
However, she called to tell me she got her own shellphone.  
I asked her, “You managed to save up for it?”  
She said a random guy at her work offered her a phone for 200 coins. It came with a charger. He said It was broken but had managed to fix it. Had to replace a few parts with a toaster she found in the junkyard. and take it apart but it worked.  
I said cool, and I’ll add her to my contacts.  
She said she didn’t know how to use it.  
So she’ll be coming after work so I would show her.  
...I want to hear coolios voice...  
As soon as I wrote that my phone started to buzz again. It was him! I was so very very happy, but I couldn’t really show that or else I seem… clingy. You know?  
He asked if he could come over that evening and “sleepover”  
I said, “my sisters coming over.”  
“Oh cool, can I meet her?”  
I had guessed that would be fine and said yeah. He said cool and he fucking-  
He said “Love you, bye.” when he hung up.  
That made me internally lose my shit.　I stared at my phone for like, 5 minutes trying to process what happened.　He fucking said the l-o-v-e word.  
Wacky… to say the least.  
It did make me happy though. Shit, I forgot to ask if we’re in a relationship or not.   
Mental note.  
You know, I just had a thought, I should probably write all of this in Octese (Octarian, whatever) if I don’t want anyone to read it.  
Well, here goes. From the start.

僕の名前はベクターです。僕はアマゾネスです。出身は地下です。インクオポリスにすんでいます。クリオが大好きです。

Alright, that’s enough of that. No thank you. My hand does not need to twist up any more than it already has. Writing Octarian is such a fucking pain in the neck, it is so not worth it. No wonder so many of us are illiterate.  
Ugh.  
There are a few hours before the evening. I wonder what I should do until then. I don’t feel like heading out into turf. I feel like laying on the couch until I’ve melted into it and become one with the couch.  
… 

Thinking about Kimiko said. I’m kinda jealous she could do that with a toaster. I once read in an inkling textbook about us, we were described as “a resourceful species that took the scraps from ancient civilizations and turned them into powerful weapons.”  
I suppose that's true. Most of the stuff we build is made out of the things the humans left behind when they were wiped off the face of the earth. It does seem us octarians (with opposable thumbs) have a special gene that tells our brains how to pull things apart and rearrange and put them back together.   
If on;y I had that. I stare at hunks of metal and wiring and it looks like junk. Garbage. Do the same in front of Kimiko and she’ll make a waffle iron that can dispense the perfect amount of batter.  
I don’t know how they do it. I won’t ever know. Not for lack of trying. I just don’t have their raw talent. Octavio had to give me something to do, it’s why I was his spy. A useless one at that.  
I wasn’t strong enough to be one of his elites. I wasn’t smart enough to improve weaponry. I didn’t have skills in leadership. He threw me into Inkopolis in hopes I’d find a use but all I did was dick around and smoke with people I don’t even like.  
…

The door. The door is ringing. 

…

Kimiko was standing at this door. Smiling still wearing the white polo from her uniform. A phone in her hand. It was a fairly standard model and seemed to be no more than 2 years old. The case was removed and there were scratches all across it in the light.  
“Hi!”  
“Hey.” Was Vectors response. He closed the door behind her and took the phone.  
“What do you want to know?”  
“I know how to call people, but I don’t know how to use the internet or add “contacts-” she added air quotes, “or add whatever an app is.”  
Vector nodded. “You can search all that stuff on squifari.”  
“Oh! I was wondering what that was for!”  
“Yeah.”  
She suddenly looked at him oddly. Eyes widened, and her head slightly to the side. Studying him. He looked at her puzzled.  
“What are you-”  
There was a knock on the door. Before Vector could say anything Kimiko was already bouncing towards it.  
“Wait a sec Kimi-”  
Kimiko was pulled into a hug as soon as she opened the door. This made Vectors metaphorical hair stand on end and envy sparkle throughout the depths of his stomach. Coolio had already retracted but the time Vector had time to acknowledge the feeling. He was already bowing, face red, apologizing profusely.  
“U-um-”  
“I-I am very sorry! I thought you were Vector!” he sputtered with his head still down. Her eyes widened and she whipped her head to Vector and back to Coolio.  
“OOOOHHH! I get it now! That’s why it’s so strong! You’ve confessed!”  
He looks up, his face is still red. “What’s so strong?”  
She leans forward and gets uncomfortably close to Coolio’s face. She’s grinning from ear to ear. He leans so far back he appears to be ready to limbo.  
“Uh-”  
“Take good care of my brother okay?” she goes back to her own two feet and away from his face.  
“Oh! You’re his sister?!”  
Vector finally found his voice and butted in, “Who did you think she was?”  
“I don’t know…? I just know I hug-”  
Kimiko interrupted and ran over to Vector. “Why didn’t you tell me you confessed?!”  
“I was going to when you came over!” he snapped back. “Besides it’s not much of a confession, he read my journal.”  
“Still! You should have told me immediately! It’s so strong, I can feel your love for each other in my bones…” she gushed.  
Both Vector and Coolio blushed, Vector swatted the back of her head, “Ow!”   
“You're here so I can show you how to use your phone! If you don’t need that then leave!”  
“Alright, alright! Wait I have a better idea! How about I make dinner so we can all get to know each other!”   
“That's-”  
“I’m cool with that.” they both glanced at Coolio who looked very content with his head resting on the floor and feet on the head of the couch.  
That sealed the deal. “F-fine. “  
“Yay!” she cheered and skipped into the kitchen. Vector sighed and sat next to the still upside down Coolio. He humphed’ and crossed his arms. Coolio’s legs fell off the head of the couch with a thump, and he stood up, fixing his white arrow-bands and glasses.  
“Your sisters cute.”  
“...”  
“You aren’t jealous I hugged her earlier are you?”  
“No.” vector lied.  
“You are,” he smirked.  
“Am not.”  
“Listen, you already know I’m gay for one, that I like you, for two, and three it was an accident.”  
“...”  
“Come ‘ere.” he opened his arms.  
“No.”  
“Yes.” Before Vector could object again he wrapped his arms firmly around him and pulled him into a comforting hug on the couch. Vector’s act quickly vaporized and he looked more like he was trying to be upset rather than actually upset.  
“L-let go of me.”  
“Nah. I’ve been craving this all day.” He nuzzled himself into the crook of his neck.   
Vector looked ready to explode, his face was so so so red for someone as dark as he.   
“I-I said let go!”  
“Quit acting like you ain’t enjoying it. “  
“I-I’m not enjoying it!”  
Coolio hmmed and pecked him on the lips. Vector froze like a popsicle.  
“Did you enjoy that~?”  
“S-shut up!” Vector retorted back, voice wavering.  
“Awwww~!” Kimiko cooed from the kitchen. “You guys are soooooo cute~!”  
“SHUT UP!”  
“She’s right you know~”  
“I AM NOT CUTE!”

 

5/2

Kimiko opened the door and got a hug from Coolio. I was so jealous in that moment, I tried to stop her from answering the door that could've been my hug.  
Sounds stupid I know. I sound like a jealous high school girl.  
I watch too many shitty direct to SVS (squid video sound. Why is the word squid in just about everything in inklish?) high school drama movies. I used to go to thrift stores to buy them, then I realized I hated them and threw them all out. 1,000 coins and 25 movies to waste. 

Fuck I keep getting side-tracked. Apparently, he could tell I was jealous cause right then and there he hugged me on that there couch.  
I was happy- really I was. I just wanted some shreds of dignity and being cuddled on the couch in front of my sister was just embarrassing in my crack-induced hallucinations.  
But the end, I was powerless. Kimiko ended up not being as embarrassing as she could have been, and she made some pretty good pasta that I didn’t even know I had. That day was a first for me as I actually ate 2 plates of it. Rare of me to ask for seconds of anything and Kimi looked like she was ready to have a heart attack when I did.  
I know.   
So many carbohydrates but at that moment I could just not care.  
There was an awkward moment where Coolio asked about our parents but Kimiko just said that we don’t have any (we don’t. We just happened to be two tentacles cut off the same person)  
The rest of the night after Kimi left he cuddled the snot out of me. I never pegged him for the affectionate type but god he couldn’t keep his hands offa me (not in that way). I didn’t mind at all but I know my face couldn’t keep the red down.  
Like shit.  
I mean;;; I didn’t mind. if I was honest I’d say I loved every second but I’m not so….  
He did kiss me a few times which was also nice, he didn’t go further than that and a few sex jokes. Real mediocre crap not worth writing down.  
I wonder at one point do I tell him I don’t have a dick?  
Obviously not now and not when things are getting too heated but when? A couple of months? A couple of weeks? Will, we even last that long?  
I hope so.  
Things are just too good to be true if I’m honest.  
I want things to be like this.

oh, before I forget I did ask Coolio what we are. He said,  
"Duh, we're together! What, did you think I'm here hugging ya on the couch for my health?!"  
Apparently, I'm a world-class moron. Duh.

 

でも、パイは食べたいです。

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End note: omfg i just realized Vector is a tsundere.   
> apologizes for any Japanese mistakes. I'm rather rusty despite all this crap being basic af;;;
> 
> Japanese translation: My name is Vector. I am a amazonesu (octoling). I am from underground. I am living in Inkopolis. I really like Coolio.  
> But, I want to eat pie.


	6. no choice.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't think so.

5/6

 

Been a few days since I wrote. Not much has happened. Some cuddles, some kisses some calls, went to a Chinese place...  
Cod being in a relationship feels great. It’s especially great that it’s with him my former c-r-u-s-h.  
My Agent called said head marketer at Toni Kensa wants to meet up tomorrow. Fine.  
He said that the deal with the commercial (that I forgot about) will be in full effect next week and filming would start. Ugh, fine.  
Less free time for cuddles ugh guguuhhuguhuh

5/7  
The clearest thing written on the page was the date. May the 7th. The rest was blurry and unclear, drops of “water” blurred the ink words and were a mess of dark blue.   
Letters and words could be strewn together, but it was a jigsaw puzzle with pieces from the wrong puzzle.

5/8   
I don’t want to eat.

5/9  
Counting calories like sheep.

5/10  
Coolio keeps calling calling calling. I can not respond.  
I text him.  
“Can’t talk. Working. I’m sorry.”

5/11  
I’m not hungry.

5/12  
Ate some grapes. So I won’t DIE.

5/13   
The commercial started today. Nobody notices I don’t ever take any food from the table they have.  
Food…  
I’m not hungry.  
Why do I keep writing in this?

5/14  
I don’t want to hear Coolio’s voice. I gained weight.   
Too much.  
Toni Kensa said; they said they warned me.  
One week ago, May 7th, they warned me.  
They warned me before they said. They said If you get too fat again once we weigh you, before the Inkopolis fashion collection, if you gain weight.  
You will be FIRED and BLACKLISTED.  
YOU WILL NEVER BE A MODEL AGAIN

The rest of the page is ripped out.

5/15  
I knew what I was getting into. I knew. I know I knew I know.  
I’m not good at any other job. Kimiko can work at STARFISH BUT NOT ME  
I CAN’T  
They own the apartment they rent me the apartment. THEY OWN THE APARTMENT. I f i a m k i ck e d o u t i h a v e   
Nowhere  
At all   
To go…  
I couldn’t ask Kimiko. She works minimum wage. I’d be a burden.  
I could never ask coolio…

5/16  
I should never have eaten those 2 plates of pasta.  
The carbs turning into sugars…  
The sugars turning into fat…  
I SHOULD HAVE THROWN IT ALL UP

The rest of the page was covered in scribbles of pure anger. Hardly could be considered writing.

5/17   
I hugged my pillow last night wishing, wishing it was coolio…  
I’m thankful he gives me space. Only a few more days before the filming is over. I’ll be less busy… and can see him again.  
That's the reason why.  
It is not a lie.  
I think.

5/18  
The photo shoot ended early. I called Coolio as soon as could.  
I didn't realize it until then, but I really, really missed him…  
I know our relationship is young. But 11 days without him was hard….  
He seemed to share the same sentiment. He hugged and kissed me feverishly, and was at my apartment nearly 10 minutes after I called.  
It made me happy.  
He kissed me for a very long time. Any longer and I wouldn’t be able to get back up.  
It felt… Well, I’m not the best at writing. I wouldn’t be able to describe the sparks that few flew up my spine as he held me, or the soft his lips were, and how they…  
Our lips were 2 puzzle-pieces that had melted and felled into place. At that moment I couldn’t think of anything else. He brushed my shades off and I really looked at him. Into his eyes, as our noses were still close enough to touch, his body pressed up against mind, melded together as he laid onto me on that pristine white couch.  
His touch…

But then reality came apart. He asked me the real reason I hadn’t called in so long.  
I tried to hold it in. But then red-hot emotions spilled out, and before I knew it I was sobbing into the couch and it was now damp with salty tears.  
It was gross, messy and I couldn’t remember the last time I cried like that.  
Was it ever?  
Had I ever cried like that?  
The tears spilled on the page from before we're not like that. They fell from my cheeks and onto the page as I wrote.  
It wasn’t an ugly cry.

This one was.

I told him. Toni Kensa weighed me. I was 110 pounds. They were disappointed. They said they expected more from me.  
They knew I could be skinnier than that.  
He swore he cussed, I saw the rage in his eyes I never saw before and didn’t think I would see again.  
He said they were assholes. If anything I was underweight. He could feel how skinny, how small my frame was against his. That he was never ever told to lose weight, that he weighed 150 pounds.  
They were wrong.  
But they aren’t.  
It was my fault.  
They expect something from me, I give it to them.  
They are my employer…  
The thing is.  
It’s happened like this before.  
If it was once it couldn’t be so bad…  
But it wasn’t. It was not.  
The second time, the second time. It happened a second time. Unforgivable.  
Why was I hungry anyway? I was happy where I was.  
Then I stuffed down an obento and 2 plates of pasta down my gullet.  
It was my own fault this happened.  
Of course, I said nothing as I cried into his chest. He stroked the top of my head and told me everything would be alright.  
I remember reality drifting off into the wind and I fell asleep in his arms….  
So warm….

5/19

I don’t fucking know why I wrote all that bullshit yesterday but reading back that shit yesterday made me cringe so fucking hard.  
It was especially mortifying to wake up in his arms like that. I don’t know how I let that happen, it felt  
It felt…  
It doesn’t matter how it felt.  
He woke up and made me breakfast like I was a kid.  
Tasty though. Sweet of him.  
But the gesture was soured by the fact that… The sugar… the syrup the carbs…  
You know what I did. I’ve written it here many times before. I’ve ripped the pages out but you know, you know. Whenever I wrote that I was sick and threw up, you knew you knew you knew.  
Don’t look at me like that. You’re just a bunch of fucking pages, you’re a fucking piece of paper you goddamn twat.  
Fuck you.  
You knew what was happening.  
…  
I don’t like throwing up you know. And it didn’t feel nice having him be so oblivious to what I was planning to do as soon as he left. It just felt so gross sinking into my stomach…  
Like a dead weight.  
I don’t feel normal. It feels… almost comforting after I do.  
The sensation of puking your guts up doesn’t feel good. But after I can’t help but feel so intensely relieved.   
It’s so much easier this way… And I can’t stop. I stopped for a little bit, I did, but that little bit is what got me into this mess in the first place.  
It’s all my fault. If I was as handsome as Coolio I wouldn’t need to…  
But I’m not.   
I’m just not.  
I’m fine.

The page had a tear, but it wasn’t completely torn out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yesterday was my birthday. Being 16 is terrifying...


End file.
